For the past few weeks I have been struggling and confused. Normally I wake up every morning eagerly awaiting the adventures of the day. I do my normal things, making the bed, tiding up the kitchen, maybe starting a load of laundry, having my conversation with God, etc. But for some reason I have been struggling with my emotions and general well feeling, I see more and more suffering on the news and facebook. I have been feeling a lot of sorrow and pain that I can't explain. So I do what I always do, I pray.
In Psalms 55:22 it says " Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you." so I tell him all that I am feeling and all that is troubling me. In Philippians 4:6-7 it says " Don't worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. You will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." , so I tell him about all the people who are suffering or struggling that I am praying for and all the struggles I am having with these feelings and emotions.
Now you probably think I'm some sort of nut case or something but I know I am not. How do I know that you might ask, well, I know because I have faith and when I pray I feel relaxed and at peace. Being my "logical" self, of course, I tried to find a "logical" reason for the way I have been feeling, that didn't go so well.
My first thought was to limit my time on facebook and not listen to the news. That helped a little, not seeing all the people who have gone missing, or the floods or natural disasters taking place, but, it didn't help me at all with what I was struggling with. My emotions were still there and my strange pains and feelings were still present. Why was I crying watching commercials? Why did I feel so tired and worn out when I hadn't done anything? Why was I suddenly having pain in my body that I couldn't explain? And more importantly why, when I prayed that who ever was having this pain was healed, did it suddenly go away? Now I have no clue whether the person or persons I was praying for were actually healed but, my pain was gone. The only thing that helped was having my conversations with God.
So my next logical step was to talk more often to God! Let me tell you, I did a lot of non-stop talking! Poor God! He couldn't get a word in edge-wise! The only time I was quiet was when I was asleep! Then I had a lot of strange dreams that I can't even recall. My guess is that God was taking his turn to talk. Sometimes my mind just wouldn't turn off and I got very little sleep.... makes for a rough day the next day. I started questioning my purpose in life once again.
There really is no logical reason for the struggle I am having other than there are a lot of people struggling in this world who could use a hug and word of encouragement, and for some unknown reason I feel their pain and sorrow. I am not a healer or a super hero, I cannot make anything "all better". All I can do is keep on praying for whoever is in need and hope that they are somehow provided for.
It says in 2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others." , so I have faith that my prayers will be answered and all provisions will be made in abundance. It says in James 2:26 " Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works." , so I will continue on this journey wherever it may take me without fear or doubt.
Psalm 46:10 " Be still and know that I am God!" keeps popping up in my head..... be still and listen.... trust in Him......don't be afraid..... go with the flow and enjoy the ride.... so I will continue praying and having conversations with God, because my faith is very much alive. Until next time God bless and keep you all safe and healthy.
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