“Peace, I leave with you; my Peace, I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives…!
Matthew 14:27 (NIV)
Meditation:
During the covid 19 Pandemic, many people have lost relatives, friends, co-workers, etc. My sister passed away recently. Losses steal our joy and peace, and we experience sadness, pain, hurts, anxiety, anger, fear, loneliness and many more emotions we can’t even put into words!
How to deal with the Process of Grief?
I grew up in a “Macho mentality” society, full of false prejudices, and beliefs, such as, “Men do not cry”, Men do not express freely, their feelings… Men are supposed to hide their emotions, to put on a Mask of coldness and toughness…not emotional, only women are allowed to cry!
Nowadays “The happiness society Mentality”, the Process of grieving “is NOT cool”. “Weakness and vulnerability” are not acceptable… some people criticize the sadness, like it is “contagious”, some prefer to deny or suppress the process. Some offer attempts at encouragement such as, “see the positive”, “do not exaggerate”, “you are so strong”, etc. This causes people to avoid, and repress their feelings … They start living in Denial.
Consequently, a lot of hurts and loses that happen in a short span of time, freeze and block the process of grief! They end up living in a “Frozen life”, for many years, stuck in the past. Living in sadness, pain, depression, unhappiness, anger, isolation, etc., feeling the pain as if it happened yesterday!
This is a blocked process of grieving…! The normal process of grieving takes in average 2 years, but everyone grieves differently and at different time span. The brain completes five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining (negotiation) depression, and acceptance. So, how do you know when the process is blocked? And how do you unblock it?
Characteristics of a blocked grief process:
1) Hyper social activity: the person changes relationships frequently, uses alcoholism, drug addiction, substance abuse, sex, gambling, etc., for distractions. These are all temporary false escapes and are used for the people to avoid connecting with the pain…! They are experiencing denial.
2) Looking for someone to blame. They are avoiding facing and accepting the reality! They spend their time thinking about all the “what ifs”! The deep sadness is substituted with anger, hatred, or hiding their most painful feelings!
3) Idolizing the lost person, or possession, or job… “I’ll never be happy again”, I’ll never own a home again, I’ll never find another job like that one, I’ll never be able to do what I could before this happened. The loss becomes the center of attention.
4) Developing radical bonds with the loss by either enshrining the loved one or completely erasing them.
WHAT TO AVOID?
Avoid, hiding your feelings, thoughts, and emotions, instead express your feelings and thoughts and freely show emotion. Interact with others, don’t isolate yourself from others.
Express honestly; let your emotions, feelings flow freely... Like water in a river to lose their power and free you from the sadness and pain. There are a lot of people who try to lift you up… but few people are willing to just listen about your feelings… about your pain…!
WHAT TO DO?
Spiritual phase: We need to pray, ask for help, serenity, guidance, and wisdom. Open our hearts honestly, and freely to God…express our emotions, thoughts… everything!
Learning Experience, what is the lesson?
What is the meaning of the loss? What is the wide Perspective of the situation? “If you lose Do not lose the Lesson” what is the lesson? What did you learn from this loss?
Actions: what can you do to get through this process?
Ask God to renew your Hope, Faith, and Strength by restoring your peace and joy in your heart.
Develop new skills, talents, serve others with empathy and compassion, help others in their recovery, and healing they may be going through.
Start to write an emotional release journal. Every day writing down your feelings…!
Prayer:
Our Father in Heaven, thank you so much for giving us Comfort and Peace. Help us and lead us in the process of Grief regardless of the circumstances, in the name of Jesus, we pray your will be done. Amen!
written by Jose Reyes
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